Bumpy Road

I have hit another bump in the road.

Apparently there is an ocean between here and the former Soviet Union.

Of couse, I could not have known this because the pet humans shelter me, so.

My next plan is to sneak into the luggage of a human relative from Colorado. Here, I will sneak onto the plane and wait.

Until then, I must try to convince the humans I am worthy of Buffalo Pringles.

Is that lint over there?

Gotta run. My tail's on fire again.

Day 6,953 of the Quest

Today was a busy day.

First of all, I'm friggin' wasted. The left over laundry soap that fell to the floor this morning did a little more than the usual dose.

It's difficult to do my job when I've over estimated my household cleaner tolerance.

There was more lint on the dryer than usual, so this meant wearing my paws to the bone trying to get it into a pile for the pet humans.

And of course, as soon as I completed my task, I was raped by the chihuahua. Three times.

I think the pet humans are profiting from the horrific animal porn I'm forced to live.

My next task was grueling. I ventured into the bedroom to soften the bed for the humans as they seem to have no idea how to do this.

At this point, I was forced to retire back to the laundry hamper, as there were no crumbs left in the kitchen for me.

Tomorrow, I plan on sneaking out the front door and following the trash man.

He. Is. My. Hero.

Through him, I plan on hitching a ride to the former Soviet Union, where I will assemble my army to take over the Wisconsin cheese factory.

This will be the beginning of my long awaited quest.